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THE MENTORCOACH eNewsletter
Ben Dean, Ph.D., MCC
Helping accomplished helping professionals become extraordinary coaches
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PREVIEW
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The most powerful predictor of happiness is strong
social support. Here we present a deceptively simple graphic
tool for quickly assessing your social network--one I've
used for years.

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In This Issue
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1. Ben's Note
2. LEAD ARTICLE—HAPPINESS AND "THE CIRCLE OF SOCIAL SUPPORT"
3. Additional Resources

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1. Ben's Note
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Dear eMentorcoach Friends and Colleagues,

How do you quickly assess and understand your
own or your clients' network of social support..

This matters. Social support is more strongly and robustly
correlated with happiness and wellbeing than any other variable.

In the article below I'm going to show you how to quickly get a
visual map of your client's (and your own) social support system--
by dimension.

If I could talk to you for ten minutes, you would
see how cool using the Circle of Social Support is.

But I can't.

You have to do it. And if you're like me--you won't want to. I
always pass on these little exercises.

So for once, just try this. It will take ten minutes. You just
have to print out the page at
http://www.mentorcoach.com/public-docs/circleofsocialsupport.pdf
(Note--if you can't access a PDF file, I'll tell you how to draw
it at the bottom of this email.)

Read the piece below and fill out the circle ("The Circle of Social
Support") using the initials of the people in your life.

Note: This is based on something similar I saw at least 20 years
ago that to my knowledge has never been published. I cannot
remember the source.

Hope you are enjoying the summer!

Warmly,

Ben

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2. "Happiness and The "Circle of Social Support"
Ben Dean, Ph.D., MCC
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A Promise
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If you'll fill out the deceptively simple Circle of Social Support
in this essay, you will find it interesting, engaging, and useful.
Your clients will find it engaging as well. It's at
http://www.mentorcoach.com/public-docs/circleofsocialsupport.pdf

Why Social Support Matters
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As Harvard psychologist, Dan Gilbert says, "(S)ocial relationships
are a *powerful* predictor of happiness—much more so than money..
Happy people have extensive social networks and good
relationships with the people in those networks. (Gilbert, 2004).
For research that supports the relationship between social
relationships and happiness, see Biswas-Diener & Diener, 2001;
Myers, 1999; Diener & Seligman, 2002; and Sheldon, Elliot,
Kim, & Kasser, 2001.

The Circle of Social Support
--------------------------------
Here's a cool way to breakdown and measure your social
support--using the actual names of each person in it.
No, it has not been rigorously validated. But there's strong
face validity. And, as you'll see, it works. It's quick. And
clients find it engaging, often revealing.

How to Fill Out the Circle of Support
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1. Print out the page at
http://www.mentorcoach.com/public-docs/circleofsocialsupport.pdf

2. "Self" refers to you

3. Add today's date. This is a snapshot in time.

4. Think of the actual persons that fall within each category.
How many true friends do you have? What are their names?
How close are you to them? Place each person within their
dimension. To save space, use their initials and then circle them.

5. Important: *Place* the person in the category in terms of how
close you feel to them. Very close might be touching the circle
of "self." Distant would be nearer the outer circle.

6. A given person may be in more than one category--for
example--both "friendship" and "peer-professional".

Rough Category Definitions
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1. Intimacy--often a spouse, partner, significant other, romantic
partner, typically includes a high degree of reciprocal self
disclosure

2. Family-- This does not include one's intimate partner.
It can refer to one's nucleur family and/or extended family. A
client can cut this slice in half and explicitly label one nucleur,
one, extended.

3. Friendship--A person whom one knows, likes and trusts.
Marked by mutual acceptance.

4. Peer-Professional--Colleagues. Those with whom you have
professional relationships, where you receive feedback that your
work matters in the world.

5. Mentor--Relationships in which *you* are the mentor or in
which you nurture others. This could apply to the typical mentor,
teacher, coach, therapist, parent.

6. Mentee--Relationships in which you have a mentor, where
you are the protege, in which you receive nurturance/learning/
care from another.

7. Other--any other relationship the client feels is important.

Patterns Revealed
----------------------
As you work with a number of clients, you will see patterns begin
to emerge. For example:

1) The client whose mentoring slice is filed with dozens of people
but their mentee circle is and always has been empty.

2) The work-at-home dad or mom with many friends but nothing in the
peer-professional slice, and no feedback that their work matters
in the wider world.

3) The man or woman with only a few distant initials in the friendship
slice.

4) The isolated self-employed person whose friendship and
peer-professional slices have gradually reached their currently
depleted status.

5) The person with many initials appearing in every
.dimension of the circle (who will almost invariably rate
themselves as very happy)

Uses
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1) Simply taking it is valuable. Provides clarity and often
insight.

2) Quickly shows strengths and deficits

3) Target a particular domain to improve--look at
current practice, barriers, new strategies

4) Retake this test periodically. Track changes. Check
for corresponding changes in happiness and life satisfaction.

5) Fill this out retrospectively (a) for one's whole adult
life or (b) by decade of life

6) In future newsletters, we'll talk about strategies for
increasing individual elements of social support

Special Note
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Roughly 25 years ago I saw something that was similar to this. I
have never seen it in print. I cannot remember the source. I
would love any information about any similar measure of
relationships..

Resources and References
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Biswah-Diener, R., & Diener, E. (2001). Making the best of a bad
situation: Satisfaction in the slums of Calcutta. "Social Indicators
Research", 55, 329-352.

Diener, E., & Seligman, M.E.P. (2002). Very happy people.
" Psychological Science", 13, 81-84.

Gilbert, D. (2004) Affective Forecasting...Or...The Big Wombassa--
A Talk with Daniel Gilbert. "The Edge"
http://www.edge.org/3rd_culture/gilbert03/gilbert_index.html

Myers, D.G. (1999). Closer relationships and quality of life. In D.
Kahneman, E. Diener, & N. Schwarz. (Eds.), "Well-being: The
Foundations of Hedonic Psychology" (pp. 374-391). New York:
Russell Sage.

Sheldon, K.M., Elliot, A.J., Kim, Y., & Kasser, T. (2001).
What is satisfying about satisfying events? Testing 10 candidate
psychological needs. "Journal of Personality & Social Psychology",
80, 325-339.

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Drawing the "Circle of Social Support
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Note: If you can't open the page at
http://www.mentorcoach.com/public-docs/circleofsocialsupport.pdf
here's how to draw the Circle of Social Support. Draw a large
circle. Make a small circle in the center labeled "self." Make
a seven-piece pie chart. Label the seven slices intimacy, family,
friendships, peer-professional, mentor, mentee, other.

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ABOUT BEN DEAN, Ph.D., MCC
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Ben holds a Ph.D. in psychology from the University of
Texas at Austin. He has been a licensed psychologist in
independent practice in Bethesda, Maryland. Ben is
a Master Certified Coach, the highest designation of
the International Coach Federation and has been coaching
individuals since 1981. Since 1987 he has successfully
combined his work with therapy and coaching clients
in a managed-care-free practice. From 2003 to 2005 with Martin
E. P. Seligman, Ph.D., Ben co-founded Authentic Happiness
Coaching He deeply believes in integrating the principles
of Positive Psychology with Coaching He is also founder
of eCoach (www.eCoach.com), The All But Dissertation
Survival Guide (www.abdsurvivalguide.com), and Coaching
Toward Happiness (www.coachingtowardhappiness.com)

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THE MENTORCOACH TRAINING PROGRAM
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In 1997, Ben founded MentorCoach--a virtual university
for helping professionals wishing to develop an extraordinary
part-time or full-time coaching practices. The MentorCoach
Training Program is an internationally recognized coach training
program offering Continuing Education Credits for psychologists,
social workers, and licensed counselors. MentorCoach has been
designated as an International Coach Federation Accredited
Coach Training Program. Extraordinary Master Classes
are available for graduates of the program wishing
to pursue certification. For more information,
visit www.mentorcoach.com

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PRO BONO COACHING
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